now half of me is left
by xEspeciallyNow
Summary: Finn's death affected everybody in the Glee club differently. Some pray, some reminisce and others just sit in silence but one thing they all have in common is that they miss him dearly.


Authors Note: Please read this before continuing to the story. Firstly I haven't written in nearly a year (and even then I wasn't the best) so my writing skills are probably a little rusty. Secondly, in this fanfic Brittany never left for MIT and Will/Emma never got married. It's set in the summer term and Santana, Kurt and Rachel had finished their first year at college before the high school had ended (that's how it works over here anyway) Finn was still working as a Glee club teacher at the time of his death. I also tried to Americanise my words but I'm guessing somewhere I slipped up, so I'm sorry in advance.

…

''_part of me like breathing, now half of me is left'' _

…

A loud piercing scream is heard throughout the halls of McKinley High School followed by a chorus of sobs. Ten minutes earlier Emma Pillsbury had been sitting in her office ordering her pamphlets in alphabetical order, ''so you have anxiety?'' she read out loud from the front of the leaflet, ''we'll put you in between I'm an addict and b is for baby.'' She carefully slotted the pamphlets in the box trying not to bend any of the corners before opening another box of leaflets that needed to be ordered. She was soon interrupted by the sound of the phone in her office ringing. ''Hello, Emma Pillsbury speaking on behalf of the McKinley High School guidance counsellors, how may I help you today?'' she asked in a chirpy tone. She listened intently to what the caller was saying but her head was spinning with the news she had just been told. In all of her years of training as a guidance counsellor she had never been taught how to react in a situation like this. She tried to offer condolences to the family but every time her mouth opened to speak no words would come out. Tears were rolling down her eyes as the grieving mother told her what happened, she could feel the pain in her voice. Her voice was raspy like she was holding back the tears.

Emma carefully placed the receiver down her hands were shaking and the tears had stained her cheeks. For a moment she sat in her chair, unable to move. A montage of memories flash before her eyes as another tear rolls down her cheek, she slowly wipes it away as another begins to fall. She gets up off of the chair before heading out of the office; all of the students are in class or taking part in extracurricular activities. She finds Will Schuester in his usual place next to the piano trying to figure out another song arrangement for the glee club. She pauses at the door before knocking, he looks so content and happy, and now she has to tell him the news. ''Emma'' he says as he notices her watching him, ''are you okay? What's happened'' he asks, he had never seen his fiancé in such a state before and this worried him. Emma was usually the type of person that was cheerful and always made the best out of a bad situation. ''Where are the kids?'' she whispers, ''they're all in class'' he replies, ''they don't have glee club for another hour'' Will was still concerned about why Emma was so upset but he didn't want to pester her into telling him as he knew she would tell him when she was ready. ''They need to be here, something has happened…''

….

Will is running down the corridor looking through each glass panel in the door looking for his glee club students. ''Marley and Ryder have Spanish'' he shouts back to Emma who is trying to catch up with him but running in heels had never been her strong point. ''I'll go get them, if you can get Santana, she'll be outside.'' Santana was currently helping Sue with the Cheerios since her classes at NYADA had finished for summer break. She had returned to Lima to visit her parents but when Coach Sylvester had offered her a job till the term was over to help her coach the Cheerios it was an opportunity she didn't want to miss. ''We'll meet at the choir room in 5 minutes. You get Santana, Brittany, Joe, Jake and Unique and I'll get others'' he said before disappearing round the corner towards the language corridor.

Soon the choir room was filled with glee club members old and new. Will had phoned Rachel and Kurt who had just landed in Lima airport while on his way to the math classes. They had both dropped seeing their parents and quickly got a cab to the school, oblivious to what had happened. Burt had decided that he wanted to tell Kurt the news face to face and not over the phone, same with Rachel. Emma looked at all the confused faces before her; the room held so many happy memories for all of them and once she told them the news it would never feel the same here again. She gathered all the courage she had inside her, ''th.. there's been an accident'' she stuttered, ''it's Finn.'' Rachel was now in tears and Kurt was holding her in his arms while rubbing her back telling her everything was going to be okay. ''He didn't make it.'' Rachel's high pitched scream fills up the choir room followed by a chorus of sobs. Marley was crying into Jake's shirt while he was trying to hold back the tears. Brittany was tightly hugging Santana while they both cried in each other's arms; even though they had broken up five months ago they had remained on good terms. Mr Schue wiped a tear from his eye before putting on a brave face for his students, they needed him more than ever and even though he was hurting a lot he put them first. His chin began to quiver as he thought of all the memories the two of them had shared over the years, he thought of him as a younger brother more than a student or a friend. Joe was quietly sat at the back of the room by himself praying for Finn's family and friends. He knew that it was the only thing that he could do to help them through this terrible situation. Sam and Blaine were sitting next to each other both crying neither having any ideas what to do. Kurt was still holding Rachel. He tried his best to console her but the only person that could ever calm her down when she was upset was Finn. Emma was quickly wiping the tears from her eyes as she also felt the need to stay strong in front of the kids. Ryder and Unique had forgotten about an argument they had had the week before and were a shoulder to cry on for each other. The room that was always filled with happy faces had the sound of singing had been replaced with mourning students and an encore of sniffles. The rest of the school had been notified by an emergency assembly held by Principal Figgins. The glee club wasn't present and had been given the rest of the day off to grieve. The school didn't feel the same. A group of young girls stood in the corner near the lockers crying over their crush's passing.

…

Rachel was sat on the edge of her bed her cell phone in hand, she kept calling him just hoping that he would answer but he didn't. She would then let it ring till it went to voicemail just so she could hear the sound of his voice. It brought comfort to her. Her dad's kept going to check on her but she wouldn't talk to them, she would just sit there in silence, tears pouring from her eyes. The rest of the days were a blur, she locked herself in her room and refused to talk to anyone. Quinn who had come back from Yale to attend the funeral had visited her but she wouldn't talk and instead wrapped her arms around her neck and cried into her t-shirt. Nobody could do anything to console her. She slept in an old shirt of Finn's that she had kept when they were dating, next to her was a photo album, it was filled with memories from when they were friends to when they were dating. She slowly opened the book, the first picture was from when they went bowling, there was one of Finn by himself, then one of herself and then one of both of them that they had asked the man next to them to take. He looked so happy. She carefully pressed her finger against the plastic sleeve where his picture was. All Rachel wanted was to go back to this time, just so she could relive and treasure every last minute she had left with him. But no matter how much she prayed and wished she couldn't. She turned to the last page in the album, it was of the day when they were supposed to get married, they had had a picture taken before Rachel was about to walk down the aisle. This time last year they were planning their wedding and now she was helping to plan a funeral, she burst into tears as she thought about how happy they were. She was scared she would forget the sound of his voice or the smell of his cologne or their future they had planned together before they broke up. Rachel had always wanted two children while Finn had wanted three, she wanted to live in New York and Finn wanted to stay in Lima so they could be near family. All of the plans they had would never be put in place. Santana walked into Rachel's bedroom and saw the mess that she was in, she had never seen someone in such a state before. She hugged her tightly before taking the photo album off her which Rachel put up a fight but was too weak to fight anymore. She laid her in bed and stayed with her till she cried herself to sleep. Santana wound up staying the night and slept in the chair in Rachel's room, she would wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of Rachel crying so she would get up off of the uncomfortable chair to check on her but she would still be asleep. Even when she was sleeping she couldn't escape from reality.

…

Kurt spent his week off with his grieving family; the house didn't feel like home without Finn being there. They had many relatives come to pay their respects, each one said how sorry they were for their loss but Kurt didn't care all he wanted was his brother back. He hadn't cried once yet, Burt kept telling him it was okay to show his emotions but he couldn't do it; all he felt was numbness inside of him. Blaine was ringing every day to see how he was but he just ignored his calls, he didn't want anyone to pity him. He tried to carry on like usual but every time he walked past Finn's bedroom it felt like a pit in the bottom of his stomach. He walked in the room seven days after they were told the news; he looked at the trophies he had won from playing football. He touched each one of them and pictured in his mind what he had done to win each one. The first one was the biggest and oldest, it was gold and a plaque on it, Kurt could hardly see what it said from the tears in his eyes but they still didn't fall. On the next row of the shelf were pictures, the first of Finn and Rachel when she came on a family holiday to the beach. They looked so happy together, he couldn't imagine how she was feeling right now. The next was of Finn and himself at Carole and Burt's wedding, this was his favourite picture of the two of them and he had one proudly displayed on his window ledge in his bedroom in New York. The last picture was a family photo which had been taken the night Burt proposed, he wasn't sure who had taken the picture or why everyone was laughing, it was probably something that Finn had said, he always made Kurt laugh which was one of the many qualities that made him like him so much. But the main reason why Kurt loved Finn was because he accepted him for who he was, it didn't matter that Kurt was gay and he wasn't, many people in school had bullied him because of this but Finn had always stood up for him, even before Burt and Carole got together he felt like an older brother although Kurt was older by several months. While Kurt was still looking at the photo Carole had entered the room. ''Kurt, are you okay'' she asked caringly, he quickly turns around and exits the room, ''you can stay here if you want to.'' Kurt stopped at the door as Carole began to talk. ''I like to come in here every now and then just so I can feel close to him again.'' Tears began to roll down her cheeks; she doesn't bother to wipe them away because she knows it will be a battle that she would lose. Kurt turns around and looks at her, he can see the pain in her eyes as she talks about her son. ''It doesn't feel real yet does it?'' He doesn't know what to say, was it a rhetorical question or was she waiting for a reply. He shakes his head, ''no it doesn't'' Carole slowly takes a seat on the edge of the bed, ''I used to sit like this till he fell asleep when he was younger, he would wrap his arms around me and once he was fast asleep I would carefully unwrap them from me and then as he got older he no longer needed me to stay with him, I would do anything to go back to these times right now.'' Kurt walks over and sits next to her and holds her in his arms as she sobs. ''It will get better'' he says soothingly. ''I know bu… but I'm just scared that people will soon forget about him'' she says stuttering. ''He won't ever be forgotten'' he replies, ''Finn… Finn was an amazing person; he saw the best in everyone. When he would walk through the choir room doors it was like a ray of sunshine had just entered even when it was stormy outside. He would do anything to cheer someone up.'' Kurt begins to cry, ''not only was he my brother but he was my b… best'' the tears have overcome him and he can no longer talk. Burt was walking past the bed room when he saw the two of them in tears; he walked over and gently hugged them both. The three of them sat on the bed drowning in grief unknown if they would ever feel better.

…

It was the day of the funeral, Rachel was sat on her bed a black dress next to her, Kurt and Santana stood at the opposite side of the room, ''please get ready Rachel'' he pleaded, ''Finn would want you there'' Santana added. '' I… I can't go'' Rachel confessed while breaking down in tears. ''I can't say goodbye, I don't know how to.'' Quinn walked through the doors to see if Rachel was ready as her dads were waiting to leave. ''Remember when we graduated?'' Kurt asked. Rachel slowly nodded, ''he sung Not The End. And now this is still not the end, Finn may be gone but his memory will forever live on.'' Smiling weakly Rachel climbed off the bed and picked up the dress before walking into her bathroom. ''Well done Kurt'' said Quinn, ''I really didn't think she was going to go.'' They all agreed before exiting the room and waited downstairs for Rachel with her two dads.

…

After the funeral the coffin was placed outside; the sun was shining which is what Finn would have wanted. Marley, Brittany and Santana scatter petals on the top of the coffin before walking back to the circle. It was Quinn's turn next; she kisses her finger before placing it on top of the coffin and walking away, tears rolling down her cheeks. She is now tightly hugging Santana as she grieves over her ex boyfriend. Rachel is next to say goodbye, she carefully puts down a single red rose along with all the other flowers that have been placed down. A letter is in her firmly held in her right hand and near her chest. Everyone takes a couple of steps backwards as she opens the envelope with shaking hands.

_Dear Finn, _

_It has only been five days since you have gone but every second feels like a life time, there's nothing more I want than to go back in time so I can be with you. I want you to hold my hand one last time, so I can remember what it feels like to have your fingers entwined with mine. I want to be able to hug you again so I can take in your scent and feel your arms wrapped around me. But I can't and no matter how much I pray and wish that you could come back for one day I know you won't. _

_I remember when we dated and you named a star for me, you said you didn't name it Rachel because you said there was a star named Rachel berry already so instead you named it Finn after yourself, now I have two stars called Finn Hudson. I just wish one of them were here with me. _

_I hope you're looking down and feeling proud at everything that I am going to achieve because I will do it all for you. Not only were you my soulmate but you were also my best friend. _

_I'll love you forever with all my heart, your shining star _

_Rachel _

_xxxx_

By the time she had finished reading the letter she was on her knees in tears. Quinn walked over to where she was knelt to help her up. Rachel hugged her tightly like her life depended on it. She folded the letter back up and wiped the tears from her eyes before putting it back in the envelope and placing it next to the rose she had laid down earlier. ''Goodbye Finn'' she whispered as she was brought back to the group of mourners.

They all leave the cemetery each leaving behind a piece of them. A piece that they will never forget.


End file.
